Baby Fever
by Juupitrie
Summary: Hanabi catches a terrible sickness she has sworn to her father she would never catch… It's a sickness that can take hold of even the strongest shinobi warrior. What will she do when the only permanent cure…is to get pregnant? HanaXKono NaruXHina
1. Chapter 1

**-- Baby Fever --**

_by: Jupitrie_

**Summary:** Hanabi catches a terrible sickness she has sworn to her father she would never catch… It's a sickness that can take hold of even the strongest shinobi warrior. What will she do when the only permanent cure…is to get pregnant? HanaXKono Comedic-Romance. (side of NaruHina)

**Author's Note:** You see, I have a confession to make.

_*takes a deep breath*_

I have been diagnosed with Baby Fever ever since my youngest sister was born. There I said it, siiigh, oh that feels so good to get off my chest. Wow. Thanks.

For those of you who don't know what Baby Fever is, let's just put it simply. It means you want a baby. That when you see a baby, you get really…bizarre. (Some say their Uterus starts to glow). When you can smell a baby, you loose all of your pride and start talking in this voice that would freak out any normal man within earshot. (Some are even said to start barking…like a dog). When you touch the baby, oh that's when baby fever is at it's height (Some simply faint from the overwhelming cute-ness). You'll have to battle with your good and evil side, and convince yourself you do not want to kidnap this kid because one day…one day…

You'll have a baby of your own. Because that's baby fever. Wanting your own baby.

Still, you do feel really creepy when your roommates catch you watching other people's baby videos on Youtube.

Feel bad for me. I'm suffering here.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Fever

* * *

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Hanabi shrieked as she grabbed small little hands and yanked hard. The small child, 14 months old, started to fuss, before throwing his head back and letting out a mighty yell. Hanabi heard clanging, lifted her head and saw the other one opening the drawer to the kitchen cabinets, where all of these bottles of herbs were. Oh sure--glass bottles aren't hazardous at all, not until you throw them against the ground and they shatter to millions of sharp, dangerous pieces. Which, as Hanabi studied the stupid child from across the room, was his exact train of thought.

"FREEZE!" she hollered over the cry of the other baby.

The glass bottle, gripped tightly in the 14 month-old's hand stopped, and the curious baby shook it like a rattle. Watching the contents bob up and down inside. His round, blue, curious eyes started to sparkle with more mischief, he wanted to open this bottle. Without a second thought he lifted it over his head again, ready to smash it to bits. For real, this time.

Hanabi roughly stuffed the wailing baby under her arm, and marched over to the other one and ripped the glass bottle away from him. Naturally, this led to _two_ clueless babies sobbing their hearts out. The children let high-pitched screeches fill the air before they let their mouths make shapes of an absolutely miserable up-side-down 'U'. Large messy tears rolled down their identical theatrical faces.

"Twins. She had to give birth to twins." Hanabi hissed sourly as she marched out of the kitchen. It was her fault for letting them loose there in the first place, she thought stuffing some rice balls in their mouths would shut them up from all that baby-blabber they were starting to do.

In fact, their once word-less baby holler turned to actual words.

"MAAAAMAAAAA!"

"OMMAAAAAA!"

"UGH!" Hanabi wanted to bury her face in a pillow and maybe suffocate herself. Her sister's babies were _insufferable_. Not only that, but they were exact copies of that idiot Jounin who sired them--that moronic Uzumaki Naruto. What was Hinata _thinking_ when she got mingled with the likes of him? Her poor sister, she was never truly gifted with intelligence as well as the superior skills of Jyaken like Hanabi was. Hanabi continued to march down the halls, as the twins under her arms continued to call out for their creators. She could already tell that the crybabies wouldn't be very proud fighters either.

She finally turned the corner and used her foot to slide open the door to her father's study. He already was looking at her before the door opened--yes, that's how loud the babies were.

"Don't bring them in here." Snapped her father instantly.

"They're _your_ grandchildren." Snapped Hanabi. "YOU asked for them to be here."

"Yes." Hiashi agreed, and shifted his gaze to the paperwork on his desk, "You don't hold _infant__s _that way, Hanabi. Put them down immediately."

"What is it? Should I leave or stop holding them? What?" Hanabi was in a sour mood, and she'd usually follow her father's every orders, but she had it up to hear with the kids. She had to constantly watch out for what they were touching, sniffing, eating--she couldn't even count on them to hold in their bowel movements. "I can't watch them! They're _crazy_."

Hiashi glared at his daughter, and Hanabi obliged in his latter command by putting down the wiggling, sobbing children.

The twins grasped at each other, pushing each other down to try to get a firm grasp on the ground before crawling on their hands and knees toward the door. Begging for their mother.

"You will watch them, they are family." Said Hiashi calmly.

Hanabi crossed her arms, and literally pouted.

"Besides, this is good practice for you."

Hanabi never tried to sound stupid, but it just came out anyway, "Huh?"

"When you have children." her father said, matter o' factly.

"Ohhh, no." Hanabi laughed, "Wow, wow, wow--father, you… you have my respect, trust me you do--but you will not get grandchildren out of me. Not EVER. Is that why you invited Yuuma and Yuuhei here? So that it can inspire me to fall in love and have _children_?"

Hiashi's passive, almost bored face almost gave the answers away, and Hanabi stomped her foot angrily, "It is?" she gasped when he didn't even answer, but started to focus his energy on his scroll work and pick up a thinner brush for some detailed calligraphy. "Well I'm _definitely_ not watching them anymore!"

He continued to ignore her, and she tapped her foot, waiting for him to get up and take some responsibility over the twins that were making their way out the study. Hanabi hissed and used her foot to push them back into the room, they rolled over and screamed--turning purple in the face as they rolled onto their hands and feel. They were like really, really loud turtles that hated being flipped over.

"Fine! If you're such an expert. Get them to stop crying, and I'll _happily_ watch them! If not--screw it, I'm bolting. You can explain to Nee-san yourself why you lost your grandkids!"

"Hanabi." Hiashi warned, before obviously accepting the dare, and rising from his desk. The crying babies that were trying to escape the room, were stopped, and Hiashi propped one child on his shoulder, before reaching up and looping an arm around the other one. Holding a wriggling one year old was hard, but holding two was a whole other talent entirely.

Hanabi had watched her sister hold these two kids expertly from the day that they arrived. With such adoring attention it made her feel the bite of jealousy. As ridiculous as it sounded, she was horrified at the idea of her once kind sister sharing her maternal nature to the ones who naturally needed it most. Once Hinata moved out of the Hyuuga compound, Hanabi felt her everyday routine of simply getting out of bed a hassle. She hated waking up and feeding herself the breakfast that the staff had made instead of the home-cooked meal her sister would share with her. She would hate having to retire home from a long mission and hear her father go on about his life when he could have had Hinata listening to her woes. She hated realizing that the older sister she would constantly ridicule was the one person who turned out to be her near-mother figure. She hated realizing how much she missed a mother-figure, and was even more irked to find herself the babysitter of the two monsters who made her realize how much she missed Hinata.

Now, Hinata didn't have the time and place for her, and could Hanabi really blame her? She watched with bored eyes as her father struggled with the two creatures that literally sucked all of Hinata's extra attention. The two babies fought away at their grandfather's chin, wobbling and blabbering nonsensical words.

"Now come." Sighed Hiashi, "What will your mother say if she saw you crying, you're boys--boys don't cry." He said in an unnaturally calm voice.

Hanabi's eyebrow lifted. Huh, he wasn't half bad.

"Hinata was such a quiet baby, they obviously got this endless crying from that Uzumaki boy." Her father continued to say calmly, never raising his voice like Hanabi had thought he would. He didn't even let that usual spite fill his voice when speaking about the man that 'stole away' his first daughter's heart. "Then again, I guess they could have gotten it from our family… you, for instance…" his eyes briefly met his daughter's shocked eyes, "were a handfull, I tell you…"

Hanabi gulped.

It was as if she forgot that the sinister master of the house in front of her was, in fact, her father. He had in fact raised her, actually--he was the one who watched her after his late wife passed away. His daughters were the only thing left--and Hinata was so easy to take care of, he relied on spoiling the shit out of Hanabi to distract him from his wife's death. It was easy to get lost in baby-Hanabi, or so Hanabi herself heard.

"I…was?" Hanabi slowly leveled herself with the screaming children, feeling her ears go numb, but not caring.

"Oh yeah." Hiashi said, uncharacteristically informal as he let a groan escape his lips. "Seriously, you were louder than the two of these guys combined."

Hanabi glared at him, what an insult! These kids were screaming their whole hearts out, no way had she ever done such a thing. She always kept her emotions under control, and stood her ground under harsh situations with complete grace. The nerve of him! She saw one of the kids throw his head back again, and let tears roll down his actual forehead, and rolled her eyes. And no _way_ was she that dramatic.

"I don't believe it." Hanabi muttered, she didn't expect her father to hear her, so she was surprised when his eyes caught hers.

"It was only Hinata who could calm you down from your biggest fits. Nothing's really changed…have they? She still has a way with the little ones..." he sighs, "Well, I guess we'll just have to call their mother if this goes on for too long." Hiashi never admitted defeat, and Hanabi watched with a mouth agape as that happened before her eyes. Call in? Call Hinata in? What if Hinata's husband answered the phone instead? What if he picks up the twins with that smug look that clearly said, "I knew you couldn't handle them"…? Hanabi was thinking too much into this, sure, but for some odd reason, she wouldn't feel satisfied if her father simply _called_ Hinata to take the twins back.

"Ahhhh! Ahhhh!" One of the kids were having a hard time breathing now, they were crying so much. The tears were actually starting to look like it caused them pain, but at least they weren't wriggling like jumping beans anymore. Hanabi watched in fascination as her father patted the twin's back. His hands looked huge when it patted their little backs. Was it always so big? When did the twins suddenly look infinitely times smaller?

Look how _fragile_ they look…it's amazing that Hinata trusted her somewhat heartless father with her two treasures.

"Nee-san never comes around these days." Hanabi said softly, she hadn't realized she said it aloud, and turned slightly pink when she caught her father staring at her face again. "What? I--I'm just _saying_."

"Does it bother you?" Hiashi's eyebrow lifted.

"'Course it does!" Hanabi decided to snap, "She shouldn't have married outside the family!"

"Ah." Hiashi didn't agree or disagree, it left Hanabi blinking at her father in curiosity. She then realized the twin's cries settled down, they were now whimpering, staring at odd points in the ceiling, while letting their snot run all the way down to their chins. One baby had a bubble of snot growing and shrinking on his upper lip. "Good, they got it out of their system. Take them."

"Wha--but--!" Hanabi cried out.

"Don't you know that after a children throws a fit, they're tired? Hopefully they can fall asleep. If it's still too much for you to take care of _sleeping_ babies, then call your sister." Hiashi instructed, handing the whimpering children to their aunt.

"Ah… but…" Hanabi started but her voice died in her throat. "Ugh… they haven't quit crying _completely_ you know, the bet was for you to make them stop _crying_ before I agree to watch them."

"Please." Sighed Hiashi, finally getting frustrated. "I have work to do."

Hanabi struggled for a while, hiking each baby up on her chest, before they managed to wiggle comfortably to let their chins rest on her shoulder. They were still trying to squeeze their tears out. One was trying to cry harder, but obviously _was_ tired.

"Don't be so rough with them, Hanabi." Her father called out toward his daughter as she turned toward the hallway. "One small cut or bruise can mean that Hinata will never trust me to take care of them again!"

"Trust _you_? Oh that's rich." Hanabi hissed angrily. The babies, hearing the angered voice pushed their already tired bodies to hitch up their cries. She was shocked--she thought they were _tired_, what was this? They want to torment her even more? "Uh… f-father." She stuttered helplessly, almost dancing on the spot. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can." Hiashi said stubbornly, "You're just not trying."

Hanabi sighed pitifully. "You're not trying _either_."

"Treat them like you would your… huh… now that I think about it, you're rough with everything. Treat them like your nephews that still have fragile heads. Don't be too rough, or you can actually hurt them."

"I know that." Hanabi snapped.

Hiashi gaze hardened, "Do you?"

Hanabi noticed the babies were calming down again, she notices wetness on each shoulder, and shivered with disgust. They were _drooling_ over her! It was probably mingled with snot too.. ughhhh gross.

"Try to get them to sleep." Hiashi instructed her again.

"Why can't _you_ do it? You were so good with them before!"

"Because, I don't like hearing my grandchildren cry. It's not good for me--I'm too old." Hiashi said softly. "You wouldn't understand Hanabi… but when you have children…" he shook his head, "Their cries… they hurt the parent. It's the children's tears that toughen the parent up for the coming years. It's the parents who can bear their children's tears who end up with good children. You must know that. Hinata herself hears the children crying every day and she can't simply give up. Neither can you."

Hanabi was unphased by this rare touch of compassion from her usually stoic father. "But they aren't my children! I can easily give up if I want!"

"Then please, clean the twins up before calling Hinata, if she sees how puffy their eyes are, she'll probably ban us from seeing the twins for another five months." Grumbles her father.

'Wow, wow, wow, time _out_. When in the world did Hinata-nee-san have this much power over Father?' Hanabi thought in absolute shock, she stared down at the children. It was hard to imagine that her father would be the type of grandfather to spoil his grandchildren. He certainly was cold enough to hand them over to their aunts when he was bored of them. Still, the way he didn't even outwardly complain about Hinata marrying outside the family was confirmation itself.

He was happy the twins were here right now. He wasn't happy they were crying, of course, but…obviously it gave this man great happiness to call up his daughter and ask to see his grandchildren.

Hanabi cursed, realizing her arguments with her selfish father were going no where. She also realized that her father, though selfish--did watch the twins earlier that day while they were in a better mood. He probably got on their good side and didn't want to be around them while they were in a sour mood. That wimp! And to complain about not seeing them for months? Well tough luck--why would he want to see these annoying brats anyway?

Hanabi stopped when she realized something. The twins stopped crying.

Like--they stopped crying _entirely_. No, it's true! Or had she finally gone deaf?

She stopped walking and noticed that the cranky boys started to fuss again.

She stomped, loud and hard down the hall, and realized her ears weren't ringing--or broken--they… the twins breathed deeply and calmly, feeling the feet of their aunt move underneath them. They were hypnotized, almost. They clearly liked the bouncing feeling, and they were at a loss for words or tears or cries once she moved in that violent fashion. She stomped yet again, and the results were the same: silence.

"Huh." Hanabi realized, she stood entirely still, to see their reaction.

The twins, started to sniffle.

"Ok, ok!" Hanabi walked. But that wasn't enough… they started to fuss again, burring their snotty noses on her shoulder and opening their teething mouths to start coughing out more tears. They wanted for her to stomp, dramatically up and down the hall..?

She could do that. She lifted one leg high up from the ground before stomping.

The twins stopped crying as if someone stuck a cork in their mouths.

"Ha." Hanabi muttered victoriously, "You guys are so simple minded, I solved you!" she then lifted her other foot and stomped.

STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP! Ah! Sweet, sweet silence!

"STOOOOP!" a voice hissed, "What in heaven's name are you--Hanabi-sama?" oh yeah, she forgot--other people live here. Hanabi looked up to see a crippling elder, blinking up at her with large bottle-glasses that magnified her orb-like Hyuuga eyes.

Hanabi had stopped mid-stomp, she probably looked really stupid. Lifting her feet up high, ready to stomp, with two babies that were starting to fuss, clinging to each shoulder.

"Are those the twins?" the elder asked, pointing a snotty nose in the air toward the babies. _The Twins._ They were infamous everywhere. Even the citizens of Konoha called them _the twins_. The kids had names, but it was hard to really use it when they were completely identical to one another. "My, my, that stupid sister of yours, what she got herself into."

"My sister is not _stupid_." Hanabi felt agitated--only _she_ could call her sister stupid. Hanabi hated it when other people, even her father, insulted Hinata. "She's just…brash, I dunno."

"Those twins aren't the slightest bit aware of their Hyuuga nature, it's such a shame." The elder continued, shaking her heavy, wrinkled head. "Here, let me see one."

"Uh, nah, they're kinda cranky right now so--"

"I want to see!" the elder ordered, raising her voice. The babies started to cry again…

"Please." Hanabi hissed, she realized her voice was now a whisper, "Come on! Lower your voice! I just got them to stop crying!" she felt she heard that phrase being used a million times in human history. Just as it left her tongue, she had a gut feeling that there was probably a mother out there in the world hissing the exact words in another language toward some inconsiderate sole that very moment too.

"Hanabi-sama, I order you to let me see one!" shouted the elder, unwisely. The babies were howling again, and Hanabi reluctantly shifted a shoulder and brought one down to the elder's arms.

The baby started to wriggle again, just as the Hanabi let go of him and entrusted him in the elder's outreached hands.

"Watch out!" Hanabi cried, shocked as the elder's arms wobbled, holding the fragile-looking baby. The old lady fumbled with the child, almost hitting it's head, but caught it with shaky arms just in the knick of time.

"Huh." Was all the elder said, barely an apology seemed to form on her lips, as she almost let someone else's baby fall. Hanabi wondered why her heart was hammering so loud. These were the kids of the thick-headed Jinchuuriki, they would be fine if they were dropped once in a while…right?

_Don't be too rough, or you can actually hurt them_…

Her father warned her. And the warning seemed to sink into her system and alert her that maybe she shouldn't entrust the kids so easily toward other people.

"I wonder why Hiashi won't put a seal on these little ones." Snapped the elder suddenly raising her voice, "He's obviously going to be a trouble-maker, this one…" the baby in the elder's arms screamed, as if he was offended. Hanabi thought back to her father that the elder was talking about. Her father, that only moments ago, was mumbling about not being able to see his grandchildren more often. Was this elder crazy? Hiashi wouldn't dare harm the twins in _any_ way. Even Hanabi--who barely spoke about the twins with her father--could see _that_ crystal clear. As much as Hanabi hated to acknowledge this fact, her father had grown _o_ld and _soft_. He loved his grandchildren.

He loved them more than Hanabi, that's for sure--what with the torture he's putting her through by making her watch them…

And they didn't deserve the seal. That was sure.

"He's Hinata-sama's son." Hanabi felt the need to remind the elder, "They have the blood of the main-family protecting them."

"Yes, but they have other blood in them too." The elder said distastefully fingering the dirty-blond hair atop the infant's head. The babies couldn't help that they mostly inherited Naruto's coloring. Their hair weren't nearly as bright as Naruto's golden locks, but streaked with some darker hair, making it almost brown. Hanabi remembered being amazed that her sister's luscious black hair wasn't passed down to her babies. She thought black hair were dominant genes, but apparently when you're with Uzumaki Naruto, all of his recessive traits become dominating.

The way that the elder hatefully held the poor, crying child, finally made Hanabi pity it. After all, the elders regarded her elder sister badly--and if it weren't for her sister who looked so bad to begin with in, Hanabi wouldn't look so good. Hanabi sighed, she knew she had her sister to thank for having the respect that she has, she might as well give her sister's kids a break.

"Let him go." Hanabi scooped him back up into her arms and sighed, "They're tired. I must go, good bye elder Chinami."

"Hm." Chinami huffed, "Keep it down, heiress."

"I'll try." Hanabi bit back, and grinned as she turned her back and…

STOMP STOMP STOMP'ed right out of there and into the backyard.

Silence, oh, beautiful silence… With only the sound of her feet stomping the ground, the twins were free to look about the sky with dumb, gaping mouths. They were enjoying their walk, and simply showed it by not screaming their heads off.

But Hanabi was thinking of something else.

"Ew…"

"Ew. Ew. Ew. EWWWW!! There is drool running down my back!" Hanabi cried. "I can't help it--we're going to wash your faces!"

She scampered back into the house, ignoring the twin's discomfort as she jumped into the nearest bathroom to fetch a wash cloth. She set the twins down on the ground, and wet the cloth before bending over, and roughly taking care of the tears, and the snot on their faces.

"You're useless, you are!" sighed Hanabi, and stopped after she cleaned one of the twin's faces.

The kid was smiling back at her.

A cheeky smile that showed off his tiny little baby teeth.

"You _liked_ that?" Hanabi found herself smiling back. She goes over to the other twin, running the soft cloth over the baby's face to take off all of that disgusting looking snot and drool and tears… She peeked at the other one's face once she was done and blinked back when it beamed like his brother.

"You guys are strange." She saw the boys lifting their fingers. "Huh, so you do have some traits that come from Hinata-nee… she likes being clean too!" she complied with their silent requests by cleaning their tiny little fingers. Marveling at how _small_ fingernails could really be. They were soft too, she was just so rough with them before, she didn't realize how much _fat_ was around their body to protect fragile, innocent bones. Like, for instance, their hands--it's the boniest part of most people's body, but theirs were round, and made actual spheres when they clenched them into fists--no harsh bumps poking out. She noticed one of those tiny hands touch her own hand, and looked at it.

They were _so_ tiny…

She found herself sort of…zoning out and shook herself from it.

What was this? She gulped, was this…the thing that women called baby fever?

She chided herself, _nonsense._

"Up." She looked down at one of the twins who spoke an actual word. "Dakko." ("pick me up" in Japanese)

The other one chimed in, copying his brother. "Up!"

They lifted their hands up to her.

They've never done that before. Hanabi watched in fascination, as the tiny men entrusted her to lift them up. She complied; a little embarrassed with how friendly they've got simply after she washed the gunk off their face.

She stomped out of the bathroom. The babies were in a good mood now that they were clean, and now as Hanabi stomped down the hall toward the backyard, she heard…

_Giggling_.

"Is it that funny?" Hanabi asked them.

Once one twin laughed, the other tried to out-laugh the other.

When the other twin laughed harder, the other twin would do this hilarious thing where it just rolled his head back and had a laughing _fit_.

"Wow." Hanabi breathed.

_She never heard the twins giggle like this before_.

She felt herself grin proudly. Ha! Hanabi Hyuuga was good at _anything_. Even being good with her sister's unnaturally ill-behaved children! She should write a book about kids the same way those other wannabe bookwriters do…

Ha, it would be called 'Resist Baby Fever--They aren't that big of a deal as everybody says they are!'

Ok, ok, a tad bit long, but with a few revisions she can see it becoming quite catchy.

"Totally." She breathed out, continuing to stomp, and grinned when another baby giggle hit full blast in to her ear. "Ah, cut it out, it ain't that funny!" she blushed, and made another dramatic STOMP. She laughed along with the twins who both rolled their heads back to howl with laughter. "You little monsters you!" she felt her cheeks _glow red_. "Ugh, you like terrifying people so much, you want me to stomp up and down Konoha, don't you?"

The babies excitedly chatted toward her once they realized she was talking to them.

"Epikodashi mizu papi kon tatata."

"Oppo sandoicchi ni na ni? Nani?"

"Ugh, that's not Japanese." Hanabi taunted.

"Booom! Boooom!" one baby said, and tried to kick the legs that Hanabi kept a hold of to prop the baby up. He bounced around in her hold, and the other twin followed.

"Ah! Stop that! I might drop you!" Hanabi didn't know why she started to talk to the twins, what in god's name was she thinking anyway. She tightened her grip, "Ok! Ok! I get it! You're excited! Calm down, or I really might drop you!"

She bounced to try to adjust them, and they howled with laughter for the third consecutive time.

"What?" she bounced, and the kids laughed again. "_That_ is funny? What about this?"

She bounced yet again, this time enhancing it with chakra and flew up into the air. The baby's laughs stopped mid-point and she felt them cling to her with their tiny little hands. When she landed safely on the ground, the babies blew up with more laughter, this time not getting enough air to fill their lungs. It was like the kind of laughter that would have had grown people slapping their knees or roll around on the floor. Their laughter was slowly becoming hysterical to simply hear. Their laughter was becoming, well, contagious. Hanabi caught herself laughing as well, but shook out of yet another trance that the babies had put her in before she got too carried away.

"Ahhh, yeah, yeah, so funny." Hanabi actually had to put them down as they continued to laugh. "Wow, you guys are such suckers! That was no big deal at all!"

"A'ain!"

"Mo'kkai!"

The babies were actually talking. And coherently too. 'Mo ikkai' meant 'once more'.

Well, finally she understood. More like, she felt she owed it to them to listen. They were looking up at her so attentively.

"What do you say…?" Hanabi heard other mothers say that in the park, and couldn't help but test it out.

Maybe the twins knew the secret answer too?

Maybe Hinata taught them already…?

"PWEAAAASE!"

"ONE'AIII!" (onegai/please)

OMG! They _knew_! Hinata already taught them _manners~!_ Oh, and Hanabi thought they were _hopeless_!! If they keep _this_ up they'll grow up as gentlemen for _sure!!_

"Oh what a good widdle--" Hanabi stopped and gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth. Her voice had dipped to that frighteningly sweet tone, and she was… well, she was grinning at the boys, ready to embrace them. The boys looked adoringly up at her…

"What have you turned me into?" Hanabi asked, horror written across her face.

"Ah! Hanabi-chan!" she looked up and saw that special person who could end this madness, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okaaa!" screamed the boys in unison. As none other than the sweet woman that bore the monstrous twins came drifting into the gates. Hinata Hyuuga had blossomed into a true beauty over the years, and had rightfully gained the attention of her life-long crush. Once attained, the sweet, beautiful heiress was quick to become a wife and a mother. Hanabi was always a little jealous of Hinata's looks--as she walked in she noticed a few guards turning their heads. Hanabi knew why the little boys by her feet adored the sight of her.

"Okaaa! Okaa'an!"

"Maaaa!"

"Oh here are my _boys_." Hanabi recognized that overly-sweet voice, she was so close to sounding like that too! Her sister's damn children--influencing her to be…well, more like Hinata! She was shocked, appalled, she never wanted to see these children _again_!!

"Oh Hanabi-chan, I didn't know you took care of my boys. Thank you so much, they look so happy." Laughed the mother kindly, gathering her boys in her arms. Hanabi watched as one boy gave his mother a loving, wet kiss on the cheek. The mark where he left his lips shined--wow, it was a _really_ wet kiss. "I didn't know you willingly watched them."

"I--" Hanabi scowled, "I didn't." she muttered.

"Well, I must say, I'm impressed. Watching two boys on your own, that must have been tough." Hanabi saw one boy comfortably making himself at home on her sister's shoulder, and slowly closing tired eyes. The other one was nuzzling the shit out of Hinata's other shoulder. He even reached out and… Hanabi's eye twitched, tried to bite his mom's jaw?

"Yuuma! How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that!" Hinata didn't sound angry though, she was laughing, and nuzzled her baby back, who squealed with delight. Hanabi felt embarrassed, her sister never showed this much public affection to anybody. Not even her husband was caught kissing his sweetheart in the open.

Hanabi crossed her arms and looked away, "They were no big deal, I don't see what the whole fuss is all about."

"Oh well, I'm glad they had fun with you. Say bye-bye to Hanabi-chan, Yuuma." Hinata turned to the one that was still nuzzling her.

"Baa-bai" The boy obediently waved. Oh, so that's Yuuma. Hanabi took note. He had the blue overalls on. That meant the one with the green overalls had to be Yuuhei.

"Yuuhei, say…bye? Oh goodness, he's out!" Hanabi watched Hinata giggle as she patted Yuuhei's butt. Hanabi wondered if one day she could do the same thing that Hinata just did. Tell one kid from the other.

"Thank you again, Hanabi--I'm sure they had so much fun with you."

"Pfft." Was all Hanabi could really say.

_Just when we were having fun too, typical_…Hanabi thought bitterly. Hinata turned around and headed out the Hyuuga estate, stopping shortly to say greetings to the guard by the door.

Hanabi was just about to head toward her room herself to get some much-needed reading done… when she caught sight of something.

Baby Yuuma, peeking over his mother's shoulder and waving at her.

She stopped in her tracks and stared back.

She found herself in a daze, waving back.

She didn't understand why she felt so sad.

The boy put his chubby hands to his lips, and then flung it in the air.

An air kiss.

Hanabi's eyes widened.

She imagined the kiss flying right toward her face. She bit her lip and slapped a hand over her forehead and felt… felt that it was warm--_hot_. A fever. An actual fever or something had just attacked her via air-kiss!? She looked up and felt her heart melting when her sister turned the corner, and the waving Yuuma was out of sight.

She breathed heavily, and collapsed onto the ground.

There was no denying…she felt mother nature laughing at her.

She caught the Baby fever.

* * *

**To be continued…**

Next up: (sneak peak at the next chapter~)

"Oh I see… you want a _baby_…" Konohamaru grinned. "Stuck up, bitchy, selfish, rude Hanabi Hyuuga… wants a _baby_, oh how precious…" he says in a baby voice and then, he changes his expression in a split second into a look of pure disgust "--And frightening. Stop joking around. Girls like you aren't allowed to have baby fever." He deadpanned.

"Wha-!" Hanabi was extremely offended. "What do you mean… _girls like me_?"

"You know, you." He gestured to all of her, and Hanabi gaped at him. "You'd…" he snorted in laughter, "…you'd probably _eat_ your young."

The… _nerve_ of him!!!

It…actually hurt her feelings. Usually, comments like that…_do not_ hurt Hyuuga Hanabi's feelings.

_The ending song to this fanfiction, would totally be this:_

Song: BABY BIAS

Band: Polysics

From the album: Now is the time!

Why: Because, it sort of has that hectic feel to it that I can see coming out of Hanabi babysitting two kids. Also, it's Naruto's sons she's looking after, they don't listen to calming lullabies to get them in a good mood. They listen to bleepin' techno/pop/rock. Also? They like raggae. I already got it made up in my head. Raggae, and techno.

Link: youtube .com/watch?v=nx-EDWkcGAY


	2. Chapter 2

**Baby Fever**

A/N: I've made a lot of other Konohamaru/Hanabi short stories, but they never came out very good because their conversation would always hang up in the air. I realized that I kind of made them really unfocused on what they wanted to express to each other, and that only made things funnier when I re-read my older stories. Then again, I also probably write like that because Hanabi is never truly seen talking in the manga. Like…at all. All we know is she was able to beat her sister when she was five, and she get's favored by her uptight father…

She must be a braaaaat.

Right? We just assume! But maybe she's not that bad. Maybe she's just as silent and observing as Hinata, and not that much of a spitfire. Who knows?

* * *

Chapter two: The symptoms

* * *

Hanabi looked around the road and made sure nobody was following her. She deactivated her Byakugan, and let her fists relax. She stuffed them in her Chuunin vest and breathed a refreshing breath of air before following the charming path of cherry blossom trees. Strangely, she didn't marvel at the road's serene beauty or the fact that the large knotty trees all around her made a symphonic noise as the wind whistled through their thick twisty branches. She didn't even smile at the fluttering leaves that gave way to gravity, and formed a rain of green, gold, and red down onto the already _gorgeous_ path to the residential forest districts of Konoha.

She instead, grit her teeth. And glared at the road ahead.

Why did her sister have to live on the other side of _Konoha_, god _damn _it. She had to come up with a good reason why she came here--nothing was in this area except residential homes. And Hanabi had no friends to really visit, and she didn't even have acquaintances that she knew of that lived around this part of Konoha…except her sister. There was a good dango shop around these parts, but Hanabi didn't like Dango very much, and when Hanabi didn't like something--everyone in the Hyuuga compound knew about it.

She had to have a good reason to stop by her sister's house…other than… you know…the obvious reason why she would invite herself over.

"Can I hold my nephews?" she imagined herself asking her shocked older sibling. Hinata would then glomp her probably, and Hanabi's rough-and-tough persona can kiss itself good bye and maybe even flush itself down the toilet. Oh god, she wondered why she decided to come here in the first place. And she was walking at a normal pace too! Each step was a battle--should she go see the twins? Should she just run back home?

God damn it, if only that stupid husband of hers would be Hokage already! She gasped, that was the first time she thought that.

If he was, she can simply make up the excuse that she just wanted to question something about a mission--the lies would be so _easy_.

But no, she had to think tactically.

Damn it… she just wants to hold _one_. She wanted to bounce them up and down and hear that addictive laughter. She wanted them to pull at her legs and ask to be held. She wanted to touch their tiny hands, and roll them around in her larger ones, to marvel at the fact that the hands were going to probably surpass hers in size one day.

She wanted so badly to hold the fucking babies!!

"UGH! What am I doing!" Hanabi shook her head and was about to turn, but for the life of her, her body refused to look toward the other road. It was now on autopilot, walking toward the Uzumaki Residence without a valid lie to distract her sister with.

Maybe she should just pretend she likes Dango…

"I was in the neighborhood… you know, that one dango shop is pretty good so… yeah, can I see the twins?" she imagined herself saying it, and saw Hinata seeing right through the lie. Hinata would smile knowingly and let her in, but silence spoke volumes…her older sister would be snickering inside, and _that_ could not happen!

"UGH! This is HORRIBLE!" said the drama queen as she threw her arms up in the air.

"What's horrible?"

Hanabi whipped around and smacked the person who dare speak to her without permission.

She saw Konohamaru, his face thrown to the side, his cheek facing her and turning slightly red. He calmly touched it and looked back at Hanabi, blinking.

"Good evening to you too." He wrinkled his nose, "You're in a bad mood, whazzup?"

Everything about this man ticked Hanabi off. She always found herself fantasizing that one day she'll be able to stick a Kunai into his neck and say it was an accident--friendly fire that was completely not her fault. She had to do it quickly before she became Jounin, she didn't want to be one of those more experienced ninjas that still made a 'friendly fire' mishap here and there. Those kind of ninjas were a disgrace, and Hanabi told herself she'd only do it ONCE. And that one time could be wasted on Konohamaru Sarutobi.

Her eyes narrowed.

He was worth lowering her status for a while.

She turned around and realized she was getting sinister before she even had lunch. Too early in the day was she fantasizing about murder, she needed to see the _babies_. She continued to walk on.

"Hey! I asked you a _question_." Konohamaru followed her. This man either had balls, or had no brain.

"Stop following me!" Hanabi snapped back.

"Mrwor!" Konohamaru made a convincing cat sound in the back of his throat and grinned, "What a tigress. Me likey."

"Ok." Hanabi stopped in her tracks and held out a hand. With a twirl of her fingers, suddenly the palm of her hand now had a Kunai. It was an easy ninja trick, Konohamaru barely blinked an eye when things suddenly got threatening. "You see this?" she gestured toward her body with the Kunai.

Konohamaru's voice lowered and a sly grin fixed upon his face, "Oh yes I do."

"NOT yours to look at." Hanabi pointed the Kunai right at Konohamaru's nose--it was literally a centimeter from poking him and drawing blood, "If you want to be an active ninja in this village, keep your eyes were it belongs" she then threateningly waved the kunai near Konohamaru's eyes. Konohamaru followed the blade without taking a wise step back, "or I'll _chop them up_, and feed it to my Koi fish."

"You have Koi!?" Konohamaru changed the subject completely, and even with a bright smile, "My house too! My house too!" he jumped around like a child. Hanabi wondered if he stole that Chuunin vest that he was sporting right now.

"I'll kill you one day." Hanabi muttered under her breath, before twirling the Kunai out of sight and grudgingly going down the road. She didn't want to have to wash blood off her hands before picking up her nephews.

"Hmm? What did you say?" Konohamaru asked while following her steps. "Sooo, where are you going? Le GASP! Are you here to go to my house?"

Hanabi finally raised her hand to sock him square on the jaw. But then stopped just as her fist was about to hit skin, she blinked at him.

"You live around here?"

"Yessur!" Konohamaru jumped out of line of fire, and grinned at her, "Oh don't act like you don't _know_. I've known all along that you've got a thing for me."

"Ugh, you're making me feel nauseous." Hanabi honestly said, turning away from the moron. But she was thinking intently… he was Chuunin, she was Chuunin… they were around the same in age, meaning they sometimes had to go on missions together. Just last month, they had to get paired up, and man was he unbearable but…

But, she turned around and jumped, seeing Konohamaru a breath away from her face, and he grinned when she looked shocked.

"Whaaacha thinkin'?" She shoved his face away, hearing the bones in his neck give out an uncomfortable SNAP.

"I was wondering what your deal is? Don't you have anything better to do than stalk a girl?" He turned his head side to side, snapping the rest of the joints in his neck, and simply smiled.

Hanabi narrowed her eyes. This… moron…might be just the ticket she needs to see her nephews.

Nooo. No. She rather have her sister thinking she was soft and cuddly than for _anybody_ to know she was associated with _him_.

"Sister, I came by because I had to drop off some documents over at Konohamaru's place. I realized I was in the neighborhood so. Huh? No, I hate the man--we go on missions together--strictly business stuff. Can I see the twins?" she did like the sound of _that_ lie… if it's business, it makes her sound responsible, and it makes the tie between her and Konohamaru strictly professional. She liked that. She was patting herself on the back now, she liked that a lot. She knew she'd find a reason, er, lie sooner or later.

Konohamaru shrugged, "It's my free day, and I was about to see my nephews."

Hanabi's eyes widened. "Wha-- you too?"

She then widened her eyes even more--horrified, she slapped her hands over her face, and watched as Konohamaru's face turned into an evil grin.

"I _knew_ it. You were here to see the twins. I'm on my way there myself. Let's go!"

"Wha--whoa, whoa, you just said you were on your way to see _your_ nephews."

"Huh, right. The twins. Let's go."

"Whooaaaa, hahahaha. No. You aren't related to my family. Those twins are _my_ nephews, not yours. MINE."

Konohamaru lazily watched her with a small knowing smile before stretching and putting his hands behind his head, "Wow…"

Hanabi narrowed her eyes. "_What_?"

Konohamaru laughed, and shook his head, "Nothing, it's just… sounds to me like you don't like the idea of _sharing_ the twins. Which can only mean…" he lowered his voice, "You love them."

"SHUT UP!" Hanabi cried out, "Take that back."

"No." Konohamaru started running down the beautiful cobbled path, "Make me!"

"KONOHAMRU, I _swear_, take it back--or I--" Hanabi was amazed, he wasn't as stupid as he let out to be. She obviously underestimated him yet again. Then again, he was trained by her sister's annoying husband. Ugh, god, she hoped to god Naruto-nii-san had a mission today and was out. She didn't have the energy to talk to Konohamaru, meet the twins, _and_ meet her brother-in-law.

She turned the corner and caught her breath, seeing Konohamaru posing in front of the Uzumaki residence. He made a victory sign with his hand and winked at her when she approached. One hand was positioned over the doorbell.

"I'm going to ring it." He grinned. He looked like he was a prankster, playing ding-dong-ditch. Telling his apprentice, Hanabi, that he was going to run so fast once he rung the doorbell. The mischievous spark in his eye made it hard for Hanabi to take him seriously, even for a second.

Hanabi felt her cheeks flush. "What's your deal?"

"No deal. I'm just taunting you. You know, you can ring the doorbell yourself and be that wonderful, caring aunt that the nephews really need."

"Pssh." Hanabi crossed her arms, still blushing as she turned away.

Why would the twins care, she was there, wasn't she? Finding reasons to see them, that should be enough thought and compassion there for them to feed off of. She heard the chime ringing, and snapped her head toward Konohamaru, feeling herself getting upset.

"_I was going to ring it!" _Hanabi hissed angrily, clenching her fist. She gave Konohamaru a harsh pinch, and Konohamaru yowled shortly before another voice cut the two's banter in half.

"Coming!" called the voice of her sister, and Hanabi felt anxious more than angry, and her once tightly clamped fists entwined together, and was brought up to her chest almost looking like… well, a little girl as she blinked innocently toward the door to open.

Konohamaru grinned all the while, he had heard that Hanabi had watched the twins just a few days ago from his boss. According to Hinata, the twins and their socially retarded aunt really hit it off. Or, so Hinata said, Hinata could sometimes be way too sweet for her own good.

The door opened and, Konohamaru sighed dramatically, catching the eye of Hanabi.

The most beautiful woman in Konoha opened the door. Her long, raven locks wooshed back once the air hit her face and she greeted her guests with the most _beautiful_ smile she could muster. She saw Hanabi, and then Konohamaru, and her eyes danced with delight.

"Oh my!" she opened the door wider. "Hello! Oh, it's so nice to see you two!"

"I was in the neighborhood, dropping documents at Konohamaru's." Hanabi said in a muffled rush, "You know, strictly business."

"Oh! Well it's so nice of you to stop by! I know how busy you are!" Hinata smiled at her sister, and actually ate up the lie that her sister handed out to her, "I just made some lunch, actually--can you guys stay for lu--"

"I'm inviting myself in." Hanabi rudely barged in once she was assured that Hinata didn't think she was here for the twins. Hinata only giggled, and then slowly turned her attention away from her sister who was eagerly kicking her sandals off to rush into the house. She turned toward Konohamaru and smiled. Offering a sweet hug and a short greeting.

"I didn't know you were friendly with my sister." Hinata smiled softly.

Konohamaru's once bright, mischievous eyes died a little and he pulled the muscles in his cheeks to show a tight, fake grin.

"Nah, we just ran into each other." He breathlessly explained. "I… I got you this." He blurted out and produced something from his pocket--

"Ah! Yuuhei's binky! Thank you so much, Naruto-kun and I have been looking for it _everywhere._"

Konohamaru, now feeling a little ashamed of himself, rubbed the back of his neck as Hinata led him inside. He sighed dramatically again just as he let Hinata's home cooked meal fill his nostrils.

"I hope you guys like Chaa-han(fried rice)!!" Hinata called out.

"Hina-nee! Hina-nee!" called out Hanabi's alert voice, Konohamaru snapped out of his dazed state and saw a panic-struck Hanabi tearing herself out of the living room, and rushing toward another sliding door to open it up. Her Byakugan was activated, and she looked pale. "The twins! They-they're--"

"Oh, Naruto-kun took them out for a stroller ride." Hinata sighed, "I just hope he doesn't run over anybody like he did the last time… or break the stroller's wheel again…" she trailed off as she disappeared into her kitchen. Hanabi still held that confused face, so Konohamaru thought he should be generous and fill the lost sister in.

Konohamaru snorted, "Boss usually _runs_ through Konoha with the twins." He explains, "Once ran over someone--an elderly…an elderly that happened to be a representative of Suna. Thank god Naruto knows the Kazekage." He had to explain toward Hanabi who looked confused.

"That's dangerous!" growled Hanabi.

"The twins love it." Konohamaru shrugs, "Besides, Naruto's always very careful with the twins. Calm down." Konohamaru walked past Hanabi, and made himself at home in Hanabi's sister's house. Hanabi didn't like the fact that Konohamaru obviously knew more about the twins than she did.

"Hmph." Hanabi stomped into the common room and sat down on the other side of the table and glared at him. "When do you think he'll come back?"

"Why? Miss them?" Konohamaru teased, though he didn't sound as playful as he did before he entered the house. Hanabi gave him a sour look, he sure was acting moody all of the sudden. She studied his posture-- it was relaxed, yet tense.

"Do you guys want some tea?" Hinata came poking into the room with a tray of glasses and a pitcher of iced tea.

"Yeah." Hanabi sighed, in the corner of her eye, she saw Konohamaru stiffly smile back at her sister. "Hinata-nee, I want barley tea, is this barley tea?" she whined.

"Yes, of course. Flavored with a little bit of apricot juice." Hinata smiled. Hanabi's outreached hand stopped and she whipped it back as if Hinata had said it was poisoned.

"Oh I knew it, yuck, blehggh! You always want to put 'twists' in food. Barley tea is fine the way it is." Hanabi snapped, and stubbornly crossed her arms. "I'm not touching it."

"You love apricot. Have a sip." Hinata didn't look angry or distressed, but pushed the fresh glass toward her sister.

Hanabi whined the entire time until she lifted the glass and took that offered sip. She stopped whining instantly.

Like a _baby_. She took yet another sip, then another. "mmmm" she hummed in appreciation. Hinata smiled at her sister.

Konohamaru snorted. "I should carry an extra bottle of that just to give her when she's moody." He snickered. "Which is like, all the time." He muttered under his breath.

Hinata giggled as well, until Hanabi slammed her cup down on the table. "I will kill you." She narrowed her eyes at Konohamaru, "Stop talking as if we're _friends_."

"Oh, aren't you?" Hinata sighed, "Please, Hanabi-chan, don't push away your only friends."

"He- HE IS NOT MY FRIEND! Far from it~!"

"Now, now, don't blush-" Konohamaru reached across the table and lightly stroked her cheek. "--sweetheart…"

"AAHHHHH!!!" Hanabi screamed ready to kill the man in front of a witness. She knew Hinata would be in a state of shock, and wouldn't tell the court that it was her dear, sweet sister Hanabi who killed Sandaime Hokage's grandson…

"What the hell is going on here?" Hanabi turned toward the voice, and noticed that Hinata caught her arm (that was activated with visible chakra flares) and faced the doorway to the common room. Uzumaki Naruto, the legend, the Jinchuuriki, the brother-in-law and boss looked at the scene in his living room with a bright smile, two baby boys happily gurgling in his grasp.

"Oh Otou-san!" Hinata said brightly, acting as if her sister didn't try to murder someone in her living room. Hinata had this new, sickeningly sweet habit of calling Naruto 'otou-san'--the kids were starting to learn to speak, so the parents were encouraged to call themselves by their designated titles. Even Naruto occasionally made slip up these days, Hanabi and Konohamaru knew that Naruto felt great pride calling Hinata 'okaa-san' or 'mama' in front of friends. "Look, Hanabi-chan came to visit with Konohamaru-kun!"

"Wow, looks fun." Naruto commented coming in.

Hanabi's eyes were on the prize.

_Babies…_

They were dressed in blue and green T-shirts. Each had a message. One said "Potato" the other said…for some strange reason… "Tomato." She believed it was her idiot brother-in-law who dressed them today. She looked at the 'potato', and felt herself sigh.

_I want to touch his...hair. _Hanabi thought mindlessly. She was entranced. Entranced by babies.

Konohamaru gasped, "Shit! She was about to stab me! What do you mean, _fun?" _he scampered away from Hanabi and grabbed the twins, holding them up like a shield "She won't get me when I have the twins." Konohamaru grinned, he saw the way that Hanabi was hungering over the babies. He knew she wanted to be the first one to hold them, and he saw the drop in her shoulders.

"Don't touch them, put them down!" snapped Hanabi, "that's a dirty trick, coward! Fight me like a man!"

"Nooo, no fighting. We're having lunch. Look what a big family we have today, boys." Hinata said brightly toward her babies. They wanted to be held by their mother, and Konohamaru didn't have the heart to hold them back from her. Konohamaru felt his heart clench when she embraced her babies and got up, kissing each one.

"Hahahaha." Naruto laughed along, he roughly rubbed the twin's heads. "They love their mama."

_I want to poke their cheeks…so…chubby_…

Hanabi was walking toward the babies like a zombie.

"I'll hold them while you get Lunch." She sounded pretty casual about it, and a little bit grudgingly--as if she was offering to hold the world up on her shoulders.

"Oh thank you auntie." Smiled Hinata. There she goes again, calling people by things she wanted her children to call them… ugh…

Hanabi blushed a brilliant red. She took hold of the twins, and sighed when their baby-smell hit her nostrils.

They have a smell, oh yeah, they do. They have a special baby smell, that made even the toughest warrior melt. Hanabi held onto the prize, and sunk onto the floor, smiling widely down at the babies who turned their gaze up at her.

They must have remembered her, for one stuck it's fingers up toward her lips, and dragged her bottom lip down to check her dentals.

"Yeah, hi there." Hanabi said softly.

"Wow, I've never seen you hold the twins before!" Naruto said brightly. "Just wait, I'll go get my camera."

Hanabi snapped toward the blond father. He disappeared behind a sliding door and was off collecting his photography gear. It was strange, because once the kids were born, it was almost like Naruto had this new signature look--it was said that the new father was always seen around with his new camera, and millions of other portable cameras (just in case something 'cute' happens~!). Always snapping away memories that he stuffed in a large photo book. He started taking more pictures of _everybody_, but mostly--the twins.

At first, Hanabi was _sick_ of her brother-in-law. Flashing pictures of his kids that looked so much like him, he might as well stare lovingly at himself in the mirror. She always thought, what was the big fucking deal? She's zoned him out as he spoke to her, flipping open a huge book that he'd summon from a summoner scroll. What a waste of a good summoner scroll--didn't he have anything better to do than talk about his offspring?

And ugh, it was always 'the first that, the first this--' too. Because the twins are still new--they're experiencing new things all the time, big-fucking-whoop.

_This is a picture of the twin's first bath,_

_This is a picture of the twin's first picnic,_

_This is a picture of the twin's first baby teeth! Drool was _everywhere _for weeks!_

_This is a picture of the twin's first hair cut--aren't they cute?_

_This is a picture of ooops--those are mama's boobs, I don't care if you are her sister, no lookie~!_

Oh, she wanted to murder him too, when she used to get caught up in being shown millions upon millions of photos of baby-blobs. Alien-like babies, to chubby babies, to crawling babies… she just didn't get it at the time, what the hell was the big fucking _deal_?

But now, she regarded her brother-in-law with a little more respect.

He was just enjoying being a father. She smiled at the twins, rubbing one's head as it cooed and played with a zipper on her vest. What was so wrong with enjoying these guys…

They barely had to do anything, and they were… well, kinda cool. She felt her cheeks flush when she realized she was getting soft.

SNAP!

"Ha!" Naruto smiled, "That's going to come out great. I'll send you copies. How many would you like? Two?"

Hanabi opened her mouth--trying to form a scowl, but realized she didn't really have any objections against it, and shrugs.

Huh, Naruto wasn't so bad after all.

"Oh my, you're being oddly friendly." Konohamaru said lazily in his small, dark corner. Hanabi frowned, what was wrong with him? Did he want to hog the kids away from her that badly? She smirked mentally, tough. She buried her nose in one of the twin's hair, and felt how soft the hair was. It was like feathers… and the smell…

She couldn't believe how lucky her sister was. She got to hold these little guys all the time. They smelled brilliant.

"Food's here!" cried the okaa-san. Hanabi bounced happily, her two nephews squealing.

"Oh _mama_." Naruto commented once the food was set down, "Outdone yourself again." His hand patted his wife's nice rear. Thankfully Hanabi was adoring the twins to notice, but Konohamaru choked on his barley tea.

"Ok, ok, stop getting all--touchy." Konohamaru grumbled, uncharacteristically glum. This was the same man that Hanabi remembered started to sing a made-up raggae song when their shinobi team was stuck in a blizzard in the land of winter. What the hell is his problem? She lifted her gaze, and felt sick herself when she saw her brother-in-law send a love-sick look toward his wife, and her sister returned the favor by smiling affectionately back at him.

"Ugh, look away boys, and barf in _that_ direction." Hanabi commented aloud. Her enhanced eyes caught something else though that made her straighten up.

Konohamaru.

The same idiot that sang a song about peace and harmony in the middle of a fucking blizzard…

Was staring at her sister with a look that she kinda recognized…

She looked back at her sister, who was too distracted serving everyone helpful servings of fried rice to even see Konohamaru's dazed, love-struck look.

Hanabi felt her hold on the twins loosen.

What… was this idiot…_thinking_?

Hinata… is married.

She gaped at him in shock.

Sure, she was embarrassed for loving her nephews…

But Konohamaru… he couldn't love Hinata. That was so not right.

Hanabi grinned to herself, coming up with a plan. She shook her head, secretively, drawing the babies up to her nose again.

"I'll see _you_ guys a lot more often."

* * *

"Bye Hanabi! Bye Konohamaru!" Naruto was the one to greet them out of the house. He held Yuuhei, who was getting a little cranky, and waved his hand. The cranky boy did not want to play hostess, and whined, and took his frustration out on his father by punching his father's chest, "Oh, heeeey, Yuuhei!" Naruto made a fake angry face, before blowing a raspberry into the boy's cheek, causing reluctant, but true giggles.

"Bye." Hanabi waved. "Yuuhei, god damn it, you better not forget me." She touched the cranky boy's back, but he was so tired, he only let his head fall on his father's chest and ignored her. Hanabi looked hurt, and Naruto laughed,

"Don't worry, this guy is just the less social one. Yuuma will remember you."

"If you say so." Hanabi said nervously. "Ma…maybe I should spend the night? Aren't the kids restless at night? I can help! I can watch them! I don't need to sleep!"

"You really need to stop inviting yourself over to other people's homes." Konohamaru snorted.

"You're the one to talk." Naruto laughed, but before Konohamaru can angrily object to being like Hanabi, Yuuhei screamed in his father's ear to be taken to bed.

"All right! All right~! Sheeesh!" Naruto laughed while patting his son's small bum, "Well, good bye you guys, no fighting now!" he wagged a teasing finger before disappearing behind his front door. The cries of the angry baby were muffled, and Hanabi realized she wouldn't see them till the next time she had free time.

She rounded her now undivided attention on Konohamaru, and then, smiled.

And next time, she'll have a solid reason for coming by. Thanks to him, and his idiocy.

"Konohamaru, you're a good kid." She suddenly piped up, and gave him one of her _gentler_ punches. Though, even though she tried not to hit that hard, he was still left blinking at her--rubbing a fresh bruise on his arm.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, that's why I won't tell my sister that you're _hopelessly _in love with her." Hanabi smiled, but gasped, once she saw a… fucking shuriken (ninja star) coming at her. It was her impeccable timing that led her to duck, and summersault a good meter or so away from him. Instead of boiling with rage, she decided to taunt him like he did to her, earlier that morning with a crystal clear laugh. "Oh it was _so_ painful watching you… watch her while brother-in-law calls her 'okaa-san' with that lustful look on your face… you wish those twins were yours, huh?"

"Stop it." Konohamaru hissed. He was livid. His eyes were a dark, dark, soul-less pit and his teeth were gritting together. They weren't very far from the house, so he obviously wanted Hanabi's voice to be kept down. "It's not like that, shut…_up_."

"Oh please, is…is this supposed to be a secret?" Hanabi gasped, feigning shock and then crossed her arms, "Ha! Could have fooled me, with the way you fawn over her. I thought you must have told her--I didn't know sister was so dense… oh" she hits her forehead, "_Doi_, she's not _dense_… she's just fucking _married_. She's so naïve, thinking that boys like you only come by because they want to help out with her kids. No way, men are only after _one thing_."

"That's not it at all! You don't know me, shut up!" Konohamaru hissed. He stuck his hands moodily in his Chuunin vest and trudged toward his home, obviously. Hanabi merrily followed. "Why are you following me?" he snapped.

"This feels so déjà vu." Hanabi smiled up at Konohamaru. "Can I ask you something?"

"No." Konohamaru barked.

"Ah, hear me out, hear me out… You know my secret, and I know yours. I'm offering we work together here."

Konohamaru looked puzzled. "I…don't know your secret."

"Sure you do." Hanabi sighed, "You know…about my pussy?"

Konohamaru turned crimson. "W-wha-wha-what?"

"Oh woops, I mean to say-- You know, that I'm a pussy. I love the twins. There. I have baby fever and I can't seem to get my mind off of the twins--"

"STOP!" shouted Konohamaru all of the sudden.

Hanabi jolted again. Man, this boy had a major set of lungs. "What the _fuck_?"

"You--you just said you have baby fever." Konohamaru pointed with a shaking finger, his lips twitching.

"Huh?" Hanabi's eyes widened, as she slowly realized.

Loving the twins does _not_ mean always mean that someone had baby fever. She…just revealed something extremely personal. She… she didn't know what to say, she was horrified. She looked at Konohamaru, realizing the tables were now reversed. He had the higher ground.

"Oh I see… you want a _baby_…" Konohamaru grinned. "Stuck up, bitchy, snotty Hanabi Hyuuga… wants a _baby_, oh how precious…" he says in a baby voice and then, he changes his expression in a split second into a look of pure disgust "--And frightening. Stop joking around. Girls like you aren't allowed to have baby fever." He deadpanned.

"Wha-!" Hanabi was extremely offended. "What do you mean… _girls like me_?"

"You know, you." He gestured to all of her, and Hanabi gaped at him. "You'd…" he snorted in laughter, "…you'd probably _eat_ your young."

The… _nerve_ of him. It…actually hurt her feelings. She felt her lips start wobbling, and she just never cried--at least not in public, and definitely not in front of the Sandaime's annoying grandson!

"I WILL get a baby, and…and at least _my_ goals are achievable!" Hanabi screamed as Konohamaru stuffed fingers in his ear and walked away from her. "At least I'm not hung up over someone else's goals!"

Konohamaru stopped. And turned around glaring at Hanabi.

"You want to become Hokage, you want to get married with kids, you want to grow old with Hinata-- ohhhh wait, Naruto-nii-san has all that. Whhaaaaaat? Coincidence, muuuuuch?" she asked in a loud, sing-song voice.

"Bitch." Konohamaru hissed under his breath.

"Ohh, ouch, that hurt." Snapped Hanabi, unaffected. Konohamaru deserved to pout--that was payback for his earlier words. She hoped it stung good.

"It's not _like that_." Konohamaru sounded desperate now, "Forget it, you're obviously not listening." He threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

"No, no, I'm listening. I'm interested in hearing this excuse of yours."

"I_…" _ Konohamaru started, he was visibly shaking. "I…"

There was a lengthy pause and Hanabi tapped her foot.

"I…" Konohamaru gulped, his face looked odd--as if it was lacking oxygen.

"You…?" Hanabi had to prod. "Com'on, I don't have all day here, dude."

"I…"

Hanabi rolled her eyes but caught her breath when Konohamaru suddenly flung his head back and screamed.

"_**I LIKED HER FIRST!!!**_" Konohamaru yelled, his face turning a hideous color between magenta and pink. "I-- BOSS--NARUTO-NII HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE HER FROM ME!"

Hanabi blinked in shock. She stood uprooted in her spot as Konohamaru started to pour his heart out to her, grabbing his head and groaning. His eyes bulged, and all of the things he wanted to yell out loud into the air was finally spilling up from his suppressed body and blowing up into the air. He reminded Hanabi of an erupting volcano.

"Right when I was starting to get the courage to ask her out, he--he just swoops right in and takes her, oh sure! He's already the strongest shinobi in Konoha, he had to take the girl too, OBVIOUSLY. And not only that--he would never stop _talking _about her! So--so I tried to stop liking her, I really, really, really _tried_. But every time I tried to hang out with Boss, he'd tell me stories about Hinata-san, and man…" his voice suddenly swooped into a decrescendo. "it hurt. It hurt knowing Hinata-san was happy with my Boss! I… I even think I might led Naruto to look at her in the first place."

Hanabi was about to interrupt with a quick question, but Konohamaru was on a roll. He caught his crush's sister's shoulders and shook her.

"And then--Hinata started to _hang out _with Naruto-nii-san all the time! And I finally got to really talk to her one on one--and she was…_everything_ that a man could ask for. _STUPID_! I was so _stupid_! Boss sometimes doesn't realize it too! I can tell! He just takes her for granted! I hate how he flaunts her around-- like a trophy wife. She--she--SHE SHOULD BE _MY _GIRLFRIEND!"

He started to sob, and threw his arms around the shocked, and frightened younger sibling.

Wow.

And she thought she had a bad problem.

This guy sure was a looser. Hung up for her for so long… It's been three years since Hinata and Naruto became an official couple--and even longer since they were secretively going out. That's tough.

She wished she could sympathize with him, but she only felt bored, glaring at nothingness as a large over-grown baby started to sob over her shoulder.

Ugh, her shoulder was probably covered in drool and spit and snot. Gross. Why do boys like salivating on her?

"Oh…ok." Hanabi finally breathed, she hated hugs--they made her uncomfortable. She tried to push him away, but he had a solid hold on her. "Ooookaaaay, you can leggo now… _Konohamaru!"_

He sobbed a pitiful wail before letting his arms fall limp.

"You sure have some confidence." Hanabi suddenly blurted out.

"Wha--?" Konohamaru glared, she sounded like she was on the verge of laughing. Well he was on the verge of pummeling her! If looks could kill…

"You think if you asked her out three years ago, before Naruto-nii-san asked, she would be your girlfriend?" Hanabi rolled her eyes, "Naruto-nii definitely taught you one thing--and that's to feed your ego. I mean seriously, what kind of training does that take?" she laughed. "How are you so sure she would have said yes?"

"She's _Hinata_." Konohamaru felt the need to stress. Hanabi twisted her face in a frown--that was definitely true. Her sister was the sort of woman who would agree to go on a date so that she wouldn't have to face the fact that she breaks hearts.

But then again, "Hinata-nee has said the word 'no' before, you know. And how do you know it would have worked between you two?" Hanabi crossed her arms. The man was now realizing that he was in a public setting… _crying_ in front of Hanabi. It looked like a bad-case scenario of the girl dumping the boy. He was hurriedly wiping away his tears.

"Because." Konohamaru sighed, "She's _Hinata_."

"Hina-nee is human too, she would have broken the relationship off if she wasn't happy--which you can't 100% prove wouldn't have been the case." Hanabi narrowed her eyes. "And…it just sounds to me that you want everything that Naruto-nii san has. Trust me, Naruto-nii was all that Hina-nee could talk about even before they were dating…"

"Naruto's always had everything I wanted." Sniffed Konohamaru, crossing his arms and glaring at his sandals.

"Oh, because you _wanted_ her first." Hanabi asked. "That just obviously means she should be rightfully yours."

"YES!"

"So it means you have dibs on getting anything…once you think about it 'first'? Without working hard and getting it? Well, bravo, that makes great sense. Tell that to Hinata's husband! Go ahead!" Hanabi pushed Konohamaru toward the Uzumaki residence.

"Don't _shove_ me." Konohamaru accentuated this by shoving her back.

"Tell your 'boss' that you liked her first! Tell him! GO!" She shoved back, ten times harder, and he stumbled before regaining his balance and marching toward her.

"S-STOP!" Konohamaru shoved her back while swinging his long legs to trip her up, but Hanabi was clever, and more agile, and she jumped away from his attack, only to realize there wasn't any space to back up into. The back of her head knocked harshly against a knobby tree. She refused to hiss as the pain made her see stars. "HA!" Konohamaru cried victoriously seeing Hanabi's body go into a short state of shock.

Hanabi calmly pushed herself away from the tree, and brushed the leaves that fell on her shoulder off of herself.

"I know how it feels to miss her." Hanabi felt herself sighing.

Konohamaru blinked.

Why was she changing her tact again? She was completely different from the Hanabi that was shoving him a moment ago. This Hanabi looked calm, her aura seemed like it finally was relaxed.

"I miss Hina-nee too… I… was jealous at first that Nartuo-nii-san took her away from the Hyuuga compound. I think I might have plotted his death a couple of times during their wedding ceremony…"

"I…I did too." Konohamaru admitted in shame under his breath. Hanabi obviously pretended she didn't hear that as she continued.

"But… they love each other, Konohamaru. You have to move on."

Konohamaru looked at Hanabi.

She didn't look like her sister at all, it was uncanny that they were related. Seriously--the coloring of their skin even, was a little…off. People used to say that Hyuuga all looked alike, and acted as one. But anybody with eyes could see that each Hyuuga had their own, unique look. Hanabi, for instance, had chocolate brown hair that stopped past her ears. She didn't have her sister's amazing eyelashes, or her sister's figure, but she had something else, she had that petite build that made a lot of men go wild. She had that… cute little nose, and lips that fit her face-shape. She was good looking, and she knew it, but that's her biggest problem. Her ego was bigger than anybody else's ego he's come across.

He scratched his face.

It was hard to realize that this stubborn princess was related to Hinata Hyuuga-Uzumaki.

"What are you staring at?" she snapped.

And my, my, my, how outrageous those manners were.

Konohamaru stopped giving Hanabi good credit for her good looks, and reminded himself of her true nature.

"Look, it's not that easy." Konohamaru tried to explain.

"Sure it is! Look, I'm bored of talking about you." She snapped, "About the Baby-Fever thing. I was joking."

She… was blushing.

Konohamaru grinned evilly.

"Oh…_sure_."

"I'm serious! I'm well aware I'm not ready for children! Why do you think I'm going to Hina-nee's house instead of hitting the streets like a hooker?"

Konohamaru felt his mood brighten. What a _hilarious_ mental image. He felt tears of laughter ooze out of his eyes once he conjured an image of Hanabi tom-boyishly wearing short-shorts and kicking out her legs--demanding for men that strolled by to call her sexy. Could she pull off 'sexy'? Impossible! She could be cute, he gave her that...

Could she even have sex? She was… well, a demon.

Konohamaru slapped a hand over his mouth and tried to smother his laughter.

"Ok, ok, I said the word 'hooker'! God, grow up." Sneered Hanabi, oblivious to his private thoughts. "Look, I want to ask you for a favor."

"_Hell_ no!"

"You haven't even heard it yet!"

"Exactly, _Hell no_."

"B-but! It's not anything bad, just for you to agree that I'm going to be dropping files over your house for the next few… years… so I can visit the twins."

"Why?" Konohamaru wondered why it was so tough for Hanabi to suck it up and just visit her nephews without looking like she was a hard-worker. Then again, even when they were in the Academy together, Hanabi was never the one to truly enjoy herself in recess--playing and loving things seemed to offend her immensely. But…maybe this was part of Hanabi's elephantine pride taking toll of her life.

"If I don't see them." Hanabi said seriously, her voice getting low and her face becoming serious and sinister. "I can't trust myself… I'm already thinking about the idea of having kids, and I feel…completely ok with that idea. I can't stop thinking about them! They're hypnotizing! I want one too! I want one!" she stomped her foot on the ground, sounding much like a little child that wanted some candy. She pouted when she heard Konohamaru letting out a wheezing laugh.

Konohamaru squeezed his eyes shut, "I'm sorry, I'm… trying to get this really disturbing mental image out of my head."

Hanabi delivered a swift blow over Konohamaru's head. "Did that help?"

"Ahhh. Ow… yeah…"

"Good, because I'll help you get over Hina-nee in exchange for my alibi."

"Ha. Like that's possible."

"It's true. You forget that I'm Hanabi Hyuuga, I have a very strong influence with many Kunoichi here in Konohagakure. I can find you an eligible Kunoichi that's perfect for you."

Konohamaru sighed. "Thanks for the effort, but I doubt you can… replace her." He sighed.

"Ugh, can you just grow a pair? Just shake on it!" Hanabi shoved a hand for Konohamaru to shake in front of his eyes.

"No way! No deal! I'm not getting blackmailed like this!"

"I never said anything about blackmail. I changed my mind--I won't tell Hina-nee about your hopeless crush. Instead, you let me stay in your house time to time when the twins need me."

"Ugh." Konohamaru rubbed his temples. "The twins don't _need_ you Hanabi." Hanabi actually kicked him for that remark. Hard. "YOW! Can you quit that? And why did the whole deal change? You said you only wanted an alibi! Now you're inviting yourself into my home!"

"You don't mind." Hanabi assured Konohamaru as she brushed some more dirt from her chuunin vest.

"UGH." Konohamaru whined. "Nooo, I refuse."

"Fine, but don't come crying to me when you're seventy and decided to finally take up my offer." Hanabi crossed her arms and turned her nose up in the air.

She marched away, her nose up in the air the entire way.

Konohamaru let her words really sink in, and slowly found himself staring at her stomping figure, slowly making her way away from him.

"Three…" Hanabi counted in her head.

Konohamaru made a tentative step toward her, before chiding to himself how much of a sucker he was.

"Two…"

But then again… who better than Hinata's sister to get rid of this annoying crush? She must have a lot of terrible stories to sour memories of Hinata…right?

"One…"

And if not that, she might actually be nice if he got to know her better… Naruto-nii-san always told Konohamaru to give people a second chance.

"HANABI!" Konohamaru shouted.

Hanabi whipped around, and smiled with a hand outstretched. "Shake on it, sucker!"

* * *

**To be Continued...**

Don't be shy~ Review~!!


	3. Chapter 3

Baby Fever

A/N: So-I wrote this a total of two years back. WOW.  
I recently dusted this chapter off and decided to continue it since I do find silly Konohamaru and rude Hanabi absolutely hilarious together. The reason I didn't publish this right away was because I wanted to actually re-write Hanabi's character entirely so that she was a little bit more polite and heiress-like. As you'll find out by the end of the chapter-I can't write Hanabi in a very...heiress-like tone. She's rude. My version of Hanabi is just...ultra rude...and even after TWO YEARS of mulling over what I should do to make her seem more prim and proper while also loud and opinionated...I came up with nothing. I changed ABSO-F*CKING-LUTELY nothing in this fic. It's a disappointment for me as well...but I hope you'll like this chapter anyway. The next chapter WILL be re-written though, and is likely going to be up right after I update 'Fifth and Sixth Jidai'-which should be coming soon~!

* * *

Hanabi always told herself that whatever her sister could do, she could do better.

However, deep in her gut she knew she could never do a lot of the things that Hinata was able to do.

For instance, she can casually say she could never be as good as a cook-not that she wanted to try. She can assume she wasn't as good at cleaning or organizing-not that she ever needed to clean her own mess. She can also say she probably wasn't very good at finding and keeping a man as a lover. Hinata was also known for extreme kindness and friendliness, not that Hanabi was jealous of either of those things. And she was definitely better at giving birth to children, and taking care of children, and raising them.

But, alas, her one great mishap in personality-the one that told her that she could do anything better than Hinata Hyuuga-was that of making _friends_.

She confided in Konohamaru that she had a way with the Kunoichi of Konohagakure…

But that was all in her head. She didn't realize she didn't know anybody that she spoke to in a friendly tone that was remotely in her age range or of female gender. She even treated her teammates, who she grudgingly cares for, with any sort of public consideration. She was a Hyuuga, she just couldn't show her caring side-it came with the haughty title of Hyuuga Heiress. She never really delved deep to figure out why she didn't make friends, or really worry herself too much about it-she never thought of herself as lonely…she just felt at home whenever she wasn't around anybody. What was so wrong with that?

So, of course, as the weeks of busy ninja life ticked by, and her mind started to drift off on seeing her sister's two children again, she realized she should probably start looking for a girl for Konohamaru. She was very good at keeping promises, and although this promise wasn't on the top of her to-do list…Konohamaru did possess the knowledge of her weakness. So she realized that she shouldn't mess around with his loud mouth that much…ew, Hanabi paused and rolled her eyes, if she ever said that sentence out loud people would mistaken her for a pervert…

As she shifted her arms, and finally put down the huge scrolls that she was carrying to regain the feeling in her fingers. Her teammates, who were absently following her, stopped as well.

"You ok, Hyuuga?" asked her teammate Tsuyoshi. Hanabi glares at him, but he merely smiles back.

"I'm just thinking, is all. Something you wouldn't know anything about." Hanabi replied casually, her mean spark was back as she fixed her attention on her nails.

"Thinking about what?" her other teammate, Jintarou Kizuboshi asked. He came from the Kizuboshi clan, a rather pathetic clan that works more on their genjutsu than the other essential talents of a ninja. He was the weakest in Hanabi's lot because of it, but, Hanabi had to admit that he was a loyal teammate despite his faults. "Boooys?"

Hanabi gave him a blank stare that wipes the teasing smiles off of her companions' faces.

"Oh. That was supposed to be funny, sorry-hahahaha." Hanabi faked a laugh dryly while rolling her eyes. She polishes her fingernails up and down her Chuunin vest before picking up the large scroll again. "Come on, you wimps."

"Affectionately calling us 'wimps' instead of 'dogs'-maybe she _is_ thinking about boys." Tsuyoshi teased kindly behind Hanabi's back, earning another killer glare from the petite Hyuuga.

"Hahaha! Can you imagine that poor sucker?" Jintarou made the mistake of truly laughing at the back of his tough tomboy teammate, and didn't see the large scroll flying toward his face until it hit skin. He fell in an unconscious heap, and Tsuyoshi blinked at the state of his friend before sighing and having to fess up an apology.

"Sorry, Hanabi. We couldn't help ourselves."

"Damn _straight_." Hanabi sneered, "Now he can carry my scroll back to the Hokage along with his own. I'm so out of here!"

"Shoot, Hyuuga." Tsuyoshi sighed, "You're on edge today, what's got your panties in a twist?"

Hanabi put her hands on her hips and glared at Tsuyoshi, "I hate that saying-what kind of Kunoichi wears _panties_. I wear-"

"OK!…T.M.I…" Tsuyoshi snorted in laughter before he touches his forehead and shakes his head in pure pity. Sometimes Hanabi just doesn't know how to be a _girl_. And just as he was thinking that, Hanabi must have caught his same train of thought for she opened her mouth and asks…

"If you must know…" Hanabi sighs, "I was wondering…do… do you have any friends that are… you know, _girls_?"

"Uh, sure." Tsuyoshi shrugs, his eyes slowly widening as he noticed his usually tough female teammate bashfully look away. "Why?"

"I- no reason." Hanabi kicks at a rock by her foot and faces the road ahead, "I'll carry Jintarou's scroll if you carry Jin-"

"Are you trying to make _friends_, Hyuuga?" Tsuyoshi asks in shock, "_This_ is shocking news."

"Oh pipe down." Hanabi shoves the scroll off of her unconscious teammate and picks up her scroll, and his. The two large scrolls weighted heavily under her arms, and she nodded toward the groaning body for Tsuyoshi to pick up. Groaning, he puts down his giant scroll himself to pick up his teammate, and tossed him over his shoulder. He copies Hanabi and puts the large scroll under his arms, and they both trudge along the path.

"Thanks _a lot_ Hyuuga." He groans.

"Stop your whining, this builds character."

"I bet that's what you keep telling yourself whenever you hit us." Sneers Tsuyoshi.

"Does it bother you that much? Man, you're such a sissy…"

"That attitude is why you don't make any friends, much less friends that are girls…" Tsuyoshi mutters under his breath.

"Waaait, whoa, hold it-_HOLD IT_" Hanabi put down her scrolls and rounded up on Tsuyoshi. "Now say that again-but this time, say it to my face like a man." She hisses.

"I said." Tsuyoshi didn't even blink or flutter with fear, "you don't make any friends that are girls because you're too harsh."

"You didn't say that last bit." Hanabi muttered, "But yeah-I guess you're right."

Tsuyoshi blinked, when he saw Hanabi scratch her head, and shamefully look away from his curious gaze.

"You…just admitted that I'm right." He said under his breath, but Hanabi caught it with her supreme hearing and glared at him angrily once more. "SORRY! Sorry, don't hit me!"

"Chill _out_." Hanabi sneered, "Any proud warrior can admit they are wrong…once in a while." Hanabi held her nose up high, "So how do you make friends?"

"Wha-"

"Just give me the quick facts." Hanabi demanded.

"It doesn't work like that. And ordering people around does not get you friends, only people who fear you…and fear isn't the same as respect."

"Pfft. You sound like my brother-in-law." Hanabi mumbled. "And what are you saying-you don't respect me?"

"N-no, ma'am, I respect you plenty." Tsuyoshi said in a cowardly voice, "pleasedon'thitme."

"UGH!" Hanabi screeches, "You're no help!" she turns her back to him, and starts stomping down the road.

"Wait! Wait, Hyuuga-I'm sorry. I have some friends who would _love_ to be your friend." Tsuyoshi suddenly shows his true, marvelously caring side. "I was just shocked, was all. Sorry."

Hanabi turned around and caught Tsuyoshi's smile, and felt herself breath a sigh of relief. "Yeah?"

"Sure." Tsuyoshi grins, "I'll hook you guys up! How does tomorrow at three sound?"

"Tsuyoshi." Hanabi said seriously, her eyes sparkling. "Thanks! I owe you one!"

"You said it, not me!" Tsuyoshi waved a taunting finger at her. "Then you'll tell me why you want a girlfriend so badly."

"Not a girlfriend." Hanabi still felt the need to correct. "A friend that's a girl-I just want one, is that so bad?"

"Not bad…just weird." Tsuyoshi shrugs. "Damn, Jintarou is heavy-wanna trade?"

"Sure." Hanabi sighed. "Man, he's such a baby…" she shifts Jintarou on her own shoulder, as she passes the scroll over to Tsuyoshi. Jintarou was finally finding consciousness, as his head hit Hanabi's backside a couple of times as she shifted the weight on her shoulders.

"Pfft, the ugliest baby on this side of the earth."

"That's funny." Hanabi laughs, and Tsuyoshi joins in, just as Jintarou finally becomes conscious.

"Is this really what I'm hearing?" he asks groggily. "You guys are ass-holes…"

"No, that's just Hyuuga's ass-" Tsuyoshi says gesturing to what Jintarou was now currently staring directly at. Jintarou pats the aforementioned buttocks.

"It's a lot firmer than I imagined-OOF!" Hanabi drops him on his face, and glares down at him. "So do _you_ have friends that are girls?" she asks, "Any that can, I dunno, compare to my older sister-"

"Waaaait, wait, wait… are you…trying to find a replacement for your older sister?" Tsuyoshi asks, dropping his scrolls, and turning Hanabi's shoulder to look directly in her eyes. They were serious.

"Yeah, something like that." She nods, and smiles, "You know anyone like her?"

"You're talking about _Hinata_ Hyuuga, right? The chick who married Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's Jinchuuriki?" Jintarou asks looking up at Hanabi. "Dude, I always forget you guys are related."

"She is one sweet lady." Tsuyoshi said with an appreciative smile, "That Uzumaki is a lucky bastard…"

"Holler." Jintarou agreed, and from his wincing position from the ground, he holds up his hand-and Tsuyoshi promptly gives it a quick high-five.

"ANYWAY." Hanabi snaps, "Do you know any girl that's kinda like her? That is around _our_ age-range, perhaps?"

"What do you mean 'like her'? Like-how she looks? Because I dunno anyone who looks like her." Tsuyoshi looks toward Jintarou to see if he knew anyone of the sort who could match the stunning looks of the wife of the future Hokage.

"Um, hello? _I _look like Hinata-nee!" Hanabi glares at the boys. They both look at each other and then back at Hanabi, and make the mistake of scoffing. She punches them both swiftly on the head. Soon Jintarou and Tsuyoshi were both flat on their backs on the ground with Hanabi glaring down at her boys. "Anyone who _acts_ like her?" she asked promptly.

"Uh… I guess? I dunno. I'm sure there are other girls…civilians, who are like her." Tsuyoshi rubbed his chin, thinking about it hard.

"I don't know any Kunoichi that can maintain Hinata's character. I mean, remember Chika from our Academy class?" Jintarou turns toward Tsuyoshi that was on the ground to his immediate right, "She was ridiculously nice, remember her?"

"Kinda?" Tsuyoshi narrowed his eyes, what he really meant to say was 'no, I don't remember her'.

"Yeah, she was kind of a wall-flower. Well, the first week she became a Genin, she became as mean and nasty as Hanabi here." Jintarou turns toward the giant that was towering over them.

"Nuh-uh! Who is this kunoichi? I wanna meet her!" Hanabi says her eyes lit up with genuine interest.

"Well… she won't be like Hinata-san…but I guess she's a good friend to start with." Tsuyoshi agrees. "Let's all meet her! I hear she was grouped up with Toshio!"

"No way! I loved that clown!" Jintarou says brightly.

"Oh ew, isn't he the guy who mooned us before the Genin exams?" Hanabi says, her excitement dimming.

"Duuuude, that was _awesome_. All the girls were all 'yikes! I can see his thing!'" Hanabi watched in disgust as her two teammates rolled around in laughter. She considered kicking them in their nut-sacks to see if they'll still continue to laugh as hard…

"I like this new mission- Mission: find Hanabi a friend!" Tsuyoshi grins over at Jintarou.

"Hey, that _does _sound interesting. That's an A-rank, right there." Jintarou comments, and the two teammates stupidly high-five each other again.

This time Hanabi does deliver a swift punch to both of their family jewels.

"OHHHHHH!" her teammates cried out in harmonized pain.

"Tomorrow, three o' clock, I want you guys to introduce me to all the eligible Kunoichi that could compete with my sister. GOT IT?"

"Got it." The two men squeaked, pathetically. Hanabi nods and takes all _three_ scrolls from the ground, and relieves her teammates from the duty of delivering the scrolls. That's the least she could do now that she incapacitated her teammates for a full ten minutes.

* * *

Konohamaru groggily got up from bed and rubbed his eyes when he thought he heard someone knocking on his door. His mother in the other room rustled awake as well, and this alerted him to the possibility that the sounds that were coming from the front door were not a part of his crazy imagination. Scrambling to his bedside table and grabbing the nearest sharp object, he stumbled toward the adjacent room, stuck his head in to tell his parents to stay put before stumbling down the stairs in a mad frenzy.

He jerked the door open, and raised that sharp object high in the air for the offensive burglar to see, before the 'burglar' on the other side of the door, scoffed.

"What are you doing?" Hanabi Hyuuga, in sweats, asked as she put her hands to her hips. She shoved his raised hand away and the disoriented boy took a manic step back as his wildly blinking eyes tried to discern what was happening.

"H-Ha-H-Hanabi…w-what-what are you doing here?" Konohamaru stuttered worse than Hinata when she was younger as he stumbled back into his front door porch.

"Can I come in? Or is this a bad time?" Hanabi asked.

"WHA-" Konohamaru lowered his voice quickly to whisper, "Of _course_ it's a bad time! It's…" he craned his head to look over his shoulder to the nearest clock on the wall, and snapped his head angrily back to hiss, "FIVE O' CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING!"

"Konohamaru? Is everything ok?" Konohamaru heard the sleepy voice of his mother up the flight of steps, she had a hint of fear in her voice that only made Konohamaru's earlier ire morph into full-out hatred. He turned toward Hanabi and shoved her, earning him a shocked look before turning toward his mother's frightened voice.

"Nothing, ma! Go back to bed!" he called before shoving the rest of Hanabi out of his comfortable house's exterior before firmly closing the door shut. He crossed his arms and decided to give Hanabi a piece of his mind, but she was only smiling up at him.

"Do you know that _normal_ citizens of Konoha sleep for another _two hours, tops?"_ Konohamaru hissed dangerously low. Hanabi finally seemed to realize her mistake, as her smile slipped.

"Wow, you're _rude_. I'm here to give you some fucking fantastic news and you're yapping about not having enough beauty sleep? Every decent ninja knows five-o'-clock is business time. Get in the game, shinobi!" Hanabi lightly shoves him, and even puts on a good-natured grin back on her face. "Look, I've got the _perfect_ girl for you. You gotta check her out."

"What?" Konohamaru scoffed, and rolled his eyes before sighing, and leaning against his front door. "Is _this_ why you woke me up in the morning, for a girl?"

"Dude, she's _just like_ Hinata-nee-chan. For a moment, I forgot I was talking to someone _other_ than nee-chan. You gotta believe me, this chick-is _perfect_." Hanabi said.

"Whatever. Is that it? Cause I'd love to go back to bed, oh-and thanks a lot you almost gave my mom a heart attack."

"Ohhh right, she must not be used to you getting female-visitors. I understand." Hanabi said, with obviously no intention of sounding like a complete prick, but it came off that way anyway, and Konohamaru felt a tick form on his brow for the second time that morning. He crossed his arms and hissed over at her.

"I get female visitors all the time. You need to stop poking fun at me, missy-because…"

"WOW!" Hanabi cuts him off, quite loudly, "Did…you just call me 'missy'?"

Konohamaru re-folded his arms and grinned, "I think I did, you got a problem with that?"

"Oh I do. Shit-face." Hanabi said raising her voice and shaking a fist at him. "You call me another nick-name instead of treating me with some respect, and I'll introduce you to two friends of mine, " she raised her two fists, "That can easily change your mind about disrespecting me again-now, about the girl…I was thinking, maybe we can put her through a couple of tests to see if she's Hinata-nee-chan like. I'll gather a few other girls, we can line 'em up, and test them with quizzes and stuff! And you can have your pick!"

"I…like the sound of that." Konohamaru had to honestly admit. This sounded like a twisted comedy…with a hint of what every heterosexual male in the world would find a blissful fantasy. Choosing your own mate through a series of _sexy tests_…? Wait, Hanabi never said anything about a sexy test.

"Oh, but before any of that, I wanted to talk to you about an agreement we should have about the twins." Hanabi said, deathly serious. "Now that I've been keeping my end of the bargain, you need to fulfill yours."

It was Konohamaru's turn to openly look puzzled and lightly put-off. "Eeeeehhhhh?"

Hanabi smacked him across the face. "What's that attitude?"

Unknowingly to Konohamaru or Hanabi, the worried mother from up the flight of stairs had been up despite her son's ushering to go back to bed, and was slowing creeping down the steps.

"You have to fulfill your part of the bargain." Hanabi hissed again. "Those twins are going to be _mine_ got it? Hands _off_."

"What-they're just as much as part of my family as yours!"

"Since _when_? You're not part of my family! You can't make any claims of taking _my _kids."

"They're not _your_ twins, Hanabi! Just face it-"

"WHATEVER. I'm just saying, since we've agreed to work together on this baby-issue that you be supportive of any claims I make for the next few months and then-"

Konohamaru froze when he heard a loud clattering sound right behind the front door, opened it and then saw his mother passed out on the genkan (front door's patio).

He shrieked, "MOMMY!"

"Oh, Hello Sarutobi-san!" Hanabi said, oblivious to the unconscious state of the mother.

"Gods damn it!" Konohamaru hissed bitterly as he scooped his heavy mother into still tired arms before hoisting her up and out of the dirty patio.

"Need help?" Hanabi asked, full of energy.

"Ugh, would you?" Konohamaru gestured toward his mother's legs, and Hanabi actually helped out. Konohamaru didn't seem to realize how strange it was until after the two of them settled his poor mother in the living room couch and he turned around to see Hanabi making herself comfortable inside his family's kotatsu table.

"Ohhh, tangerines." She reached out to grab one, when Konohamaru hissed.

"Put the citrus down, bitch. You need to leave."

"I just helped you. I get a treat." Hanabi ignored him, and grabbed the fruit that was offered in the tiny tray on top of the table she currently sat at. Konohamaru was now burning with anger, and rightfully so, and didn't hesitate to lunge at her as he tried to fight that piece of fruit out of the nasty girl's hands.

"Get _off_ of me, you big… _ape_." Hanabi struggled as Konohamaru actually used his weight and height as an advantage and managed to grab hold of the citrus clutched outstretched in the young woman's hands. "You're a _jerk_, I'm _hungry_. You can't deny a girl food!"

"_Konohamaru!"_ a strict voice out of nowhere made Konohamaru freeze, and peek around his shoulder to see a flabbergasted, and furious mother staring at him from her awkward position on the couch. "You get off that poor girl this _instant_."

Konohamaru did, feeling all of his earlier fighting spirit drain out of him in a shocking second. Konohamaru's mother, also known as Chiaki Sarutobi, also known as Asuma's older sister, had the ability to shoot angry glares that did actual _damage_ to a person's soul (it seemed). The look she currently sent to her son sent shivers up his spine, and he didn't even know where the sudden mood-change came from. Was she really that upset that Hanabi woke her up at five in the morning? Slowly as she shifted her eyes to the woman who once again got her hands on the citrus in Konohamaru's hand, she soon sported a look of pure terror and sympathy now as she situated herself in front of Hanabi Hyuuga, and positioned herself for a deep bow.

"I'm so sorry about the behavior of my _terrible_ son." She bowed so low, and professionally, that it _scared_ Konohamaru. What the heck was going on?

Hanabi calmly peeled her 'deserved' treat. "Eh? Oh, no biggy. He's just being a _man_. No need apologizing for what we women can't fix." She snickered while Konohamaru sent her a nasty glare. She sent him a look of victory and taunted him by waving her fruit in the air. "Yummm."

"Konohamaru! How _could_ you? A sweet woman like- I'm sorry, I've never even _met_ you." Said the distressed mother as she fretted over an ignorant Hanabi, "What's your name, my child?"

"Oh, sorry, I should have introduced myself." Hanabi finally seemed to find the manners that her father always shoved down her throat. She abandoned her fruit, bent down to bow as well, and said, "I'm Hanabi Hyuuga, heiress of the Hyuuga clan and Chuunin of Konohagakure. I'm currently seeing your son in shinobi affairs, and I'll be visiting from time-to-time for the next few months-years, maybe."

"Oh my goodness. A Hyuuga." The Sarutobi mother was now hyperventilating. "Oh my goodness-Konohamaru _how could you_?" she snapped toward her son, who bore an innocently oblivious look on his face. He was smacked over the head, for the second time that morning, and now he was thoroughly angered.

"What the _hell_? I did _nothing_ wrong!"

Mrs. Sarutobi gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest, and not even being able to recognize the man in front of her as her son anymore. "Didn't do…anything _wrong_? You-_impregnate_ a Hyuuga Heiress…and you didn't do _anything wrong_?"

There was an awkward silence before Hanabi looked over at Konohamaru. "You got _who_ pregnant?" she asked through a mouthful of fruit.

"I'm _so_ sorry my son is so…so…cold-hearted to not even have _introduced us_ properly…but let me tell you, child, you will be treated as a daughter I've never had, believe me. Even if my son abandons his children-I'll always look to them as _my grandchildren_. You can depend on me, Heiress-"

"WOW, wow, wow, Mom-I didn't do it with Hanabi. She's not pregnant. That's gross." Konohamaru was vehement to correct his mother's misunderstandings, but he saw that sparkle in Hanabi's eye even in his peripheral vision and felt himself make a very audible gulp.

"Wait. Hold the _phone_, Konohamaru." Hanabi said, shocking Konohamaru as she continued to face Konohamaru's mother. That interested sparkle in her eye. "You think I'm _pregnant_?"

"Aren't you?" sniffed the mother, who Konohamaru felt sick to his stomach to know was actually on the _verge of tears_.

Hanabi paused, and felt herself blush despite it all. Despite the fact that she was being accused of sleeping with someone as repulsive as Konohamaru, the prospect of someone thinking she was pregnant gave her a certain prideful glow.

"No. She isn't." Konohamaru cuts off Hanabi's blissful moment of running with the idea of actually tricking the woman in front of her to feed her fantasy of what it feels like to be treated as a pregnant woman. Hanabi instantly deflated and pouted nastily as if someone had just told her she couldn't get a second serving of her favorite rice pudding.

"No, I'm not." Hanabi agreed toward the mother, who looked ten times more relieved. All of that pale color left, and Hanabi saw some red coloring adjust itself back onto the worried mother's face.

"But you were talking about-babies."

"The twins." Konohamaru clarified. "Naruto's kids."

"My nephews. _My_ Nephews, not his." Hanabi needed to clarify toward a mother who was now taking a breath of complete relief.

"A-are the twins ok? Why is the heiress coming over at five-o-clock in the morning…to talk about the twins?" Konohamaru's mother asked nervously while taking tentative glances over at the petite woman that was making herself comfortable in the Sarutobi home. Konohamaru sent the heiress a wary look of his own before turning to his mother.

"Because she's fucking _crazy_."

This deserved the same angered glare from both women.

"Konohamaru!" hissed his mother, while Hanabi shrugged.

"I get that _all_ the time. He's so rude to me." Hanabi tattled shamelessly.

"Will you cut it out? And stop eating our food." Konohamaru snapped, yanking the fruit away, and causing Hanabi to cry out.

"Can you believe this guy? I'm setting him up with eligible bachelorettes and this is the thanks I get?" Hanabi whined.

"Wait, what?" Konohamaru's mother's eyes lit up in that way mothers do when she hears of her son getting some well-deserved probable action. "You…are interested in _girls_ Konohamaru?" Hanabi couldn't help but feel _absolutely delighted_ when she heard Konohamaru's own mother ask him this question. She smothered her giggles of glee behind a girlish hand and sent him a look that made him realize he would _never_ win an argument with her ever again.

"Wh-what do you mean? Why do you say it like that as if I…did you think I was a gay?" Konohamaru hissed toward his mother. Hanabi giggled some more behind her hand, and Konohamaru tossed the fruit back at her, which she easily caught. She also stopped her laughter and returned to sneering.

"Hey, watch it pal. This is your mom! She has every right to think you're gay, you act pretty gay-let's admit it. Starting with what you wear for pajamas." Hanabi pointed out.

"I… am actually concerned of this as well." Konohamaru's mother, Chiaki, confided this to Hanabi, who gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

Konohamaru looked down at his attire, and realized he made the big mistake of running out to defend his home from a burglary wearing his mis-matching pajamas. His pajama pants were fine, simply pale blue stripes pattern, but his shirt said…

'_Let's party!' _In dramatic Katakana with a picture of a bear in a party-hat looking like he was ready to hump some poor unfortunate bear (doubtful a she-bear would want to hump that shit). It looked… well, amazingly chippy and happy- it was _gay_ in the sense that it was _way too gloriously happy_.

"It's a funny shirt." Konohamaru explained weakly.

"I don't find it very funny." Hanabi commented to his mother, who nodded sadly.

"He loves that shirt. He complains if I don't wash it right."

"You wash his laundry?" Hanabi hissed. "He's a grown man, tell him to do his own laundry."

Chiaki gave Hanabi a good, long, hard look-over and appreciated Hanabi's views. Konohamaru saw his mother lightly touch Hanabi's upper arm and nod.

"I think I will."

"HEEEEEY!" Konohamaru now stood on his feet and glared at the two women. "You-" he pointed to Hanabi. "Get out of my house. And Ma-" he turned toward his mom. "forget this whole incident ever happened."

"You don't tell your mom what to do!" snapped Hanabi before Konohamaru could get a control over the situation, and Chiaki, now very much siding with Hanabi chorused.

"I agree! Konohamaru-you're really walking on thin ice here!"

"You tell him, mom!" Hanabi crowed.

Konohamaru couldn't believe this was happening. Someone wake him up from this fucking _nightmare_…

"This sweet girl is providing you with _dates_. I've never seen you with women-this is…big news! Really _wonderful_ news. Oh, Miss Heiress…"

"You can call me Hanabi." Hanabi said kindly, and Konohmaru balked.

"Hanabi-chan, you come anytime you please. I insist."

"Oh mom." Hanabi said cutely smiling, "Thanks, I'd love to."

"And you! You be nice to this lady, she's giving me hopes for some future grandchildren." Konohamaru's mother snapped harshly.

"Oh don't you worry, Sarutobi-san, by the end of this year you'll be dealing with a real pregnant chick, _I promise_."

"Thank you, Hanabi-chan, this is exactly what Konohamaru needs."

"I think so too, mom. I think so too."

"I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming. Tell me I'm just dreaming." Konohamaru begged, but his plea was ignored, as he then heard his mother suggest that Hanabi join the Sarutobi family for breakfast.

* * *

To be continued...


End file.
